Episode 097: Terror of the Autons

“I am usually referred to as the Master.”

Or some very slight variation thereof.

Terror of the Autons is a story where a bloomin’ cockernee is masquerading as an Italian, a Time Lord as an astral Mr Benn, Autons as an army of Frank Sidebottoms, and the man himself as BT’s most sackable employee. Yet the Master can’t muster the energy to think up an even vaguely misdirecting pseudonym.

Plenty of imagination elsewhere though with unfriendly neighbourhood Bobbies, dolls that are a bit too clingy, armchairs that give you a hug,  a phone you can really get tied up on and gift daffs you really shouldn’t look in the mouth.

Can the grumpy Doctor, scatty Jo, and a Maxi full of UNIT defeat the Master and the Nestene Unconvincingness?

And did Jim and Martin find all this plastic fantastic or as flat as Old Ma Farrel’s CSO kitchen?

Find out here.

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Episode 082: The Face of Evil

“Well now, it seems I have been here before.”

You have: Planet of Evil. Well… only up to a point.KP082 artwork 300

Sure the red-outlined empty creatures from the id are here again but this time they have Tom Baker’s distinctive fizzog. As does the local equivalent of Mount Rushmore (although the DVD cover features someone else entirely, for some reason…).

And cheap terrifying invisible monsters are causing a rumble in the jungle again, but this time they’re accompanied by sultry space savage turned stowaway, a shape-throwing shaman whose hat fits like a glove, a chieftain who’s just been Tango’d, and the campest IT support team ever seen. Throw in a computer with more voices than Rob Culshaw and you have one of the most bonkers bouillabaisses of the Baker era.

Martin reveals he’s a Horda hoarder and Jim displays a positively Luddite awareness of current technological thinking, but do they like The Face of Evil? Or do they turn their own, even more reviled countenances away in disgust?

Listen to find out…

Episode 068: The Robots of Death

“You know, you’re a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain.”

No, the Doctor isn’t addressing your gentle hosts but Martin’s favouritest actor ever is on the receiving end.KP068 artwork 300

It’s The Robots of Death – a tale of unwelcome bike reflectors, irresistible make-up and ludicrous millinery.

The Doctor and his mousy sidekick, Leela, are in a sand miner and in the frame for the mysterious marigold murders. But who’s behind the rubber-gloved death-dealing droids?

The exasperated Uvanov? The bellowing Borg? Surely not tottietastic Toos? Or might the face, voice and trousers of another crew member put him under suspicion? Just maybe?

Listen in to hear if Jim and Martin can get to the sub-stratum of this miner problem.

Episode 062: Pyramids of Mars

“In my presence you are an ant, a termite. Abase yourself, you grovelling insect!”

So once again Sutekh’s arrogance management classes fail to deliver and he’s left in his sub-Saqqaran tomb for a few more centuries, waiting for another gentleman caller.KP062 Pyramids artwork 300

And he had a lot going for him: a puppet archaeologist, a loyal (if irascible) organist, a low-tech PIN-pincher and some busty yummy mummies.

Laurence is wide-eyed, the Doctor is boggle-eyed and Marcus has eyes like piddle-holes in the snow, while Sarah has her eye on an escape route to 1980 (but not the crappy one).

Why is Sutekh’s cell so well-appointed? Why doesn’t someone push a broom around the priory every now and then? And just who is Eternity’s Cushion Plumper?

Listen to find out if the answers lie in The Pyramids of Mars and what score (hint hint) Jim and Martin give the serial.

Episode 060: The Sun Makers

“I sense the vicious doctrine of egalitarianism.”

Not our words, the words of financially-motivated, fish-blooded fungus, The Collector.KP060 Sun Makers Artwork

One of The Sun Makers, this blob of seaweed with ideas above its station loves a healthy balance sheet and an unhealthy executionee but meets his match when the 4th Doctor, Leela and K9 visit plutocratic Pluto.

It’s a miserable world of wooden tables, cardboard control panels, unappetising curries and clown’s-pocket-sized credit cards.

The Doctor moos like a cow, Leela fights like a wildcat and K9 acts like a dog – much to Martin’s incandescent rage.

But is the story as saleable as a tray of hot cakes or a bucket of cold sick?

Listen and find out.