“The Doctor’s almost as clever as I am.”
Zoe Heriot may be the Krotons’ pet but she must have been expelled from modesty school.
Yes, this is The Krotons, a saga of sub-standard scientists, snaky CCTV spies and shouty fridges from another world.
The Doctor flunks, Jamie fights and Zoe infuriates while the Gonds lack the gonads to take on their reclusive rulers.
Will Beta reveal the secret of transmat to his backward brethren (or is it still at Beta stage)?
From which Brummie enclave of Johannesburg do the Krotons hail?
Will the Doctor’s twanged nipple ever recover?
And do Jim and Martin think the story is the work of High Brains or should it be dispersed?
Find out here.
“You have returned to us, Doctor. Your travels are over.”
But thankfully not forever. It was, still, a long way from being all over.
So Jim and Martin stagger to their century milestone with their biggest story yet, The War Games.
It’s an epic tale of trials, tribulations, heavily corrected (and impaired) vision, and a Very. Stupid. Voice.
The Doctor plays with fridge magnets, Jamie plays the fool, Zoe plays Villa like a violin and the War Lord plays with his real live toy soldiers – and gets a Paddington stare for his trouble.
Romans gawp and mince, wigs wander almost as far as the accents, and the scenery is chewed up, gargled and spat out – even when it’s as wobbly as a Quark under enemy fire.
So do Jim and Martin think this is a worthy end for a very worthy Doctor? Or was it ten parts of terrible tedium?
Listen in to find out.
“No-one on the Colony believes in Macra! There is no such thing as Macra! Macra do not exist! There are no Macra!!”
Well maybe stop going on about them so much then?
He’s right though. This colony is lovely – except for the brainwashing, harrowing jingles, cheerless cheerleading, occupational hazards and the ministrations of hit security group, Ola and the Bootboys, that is.
Oh and the Macra, of course. Not that there are any Macra. Or are there…?
Well, yes there are, as the name of the story implies, and they’re a crabby (and shouty) bunch of crustaceans, with their grubby pincers on the reins of power within the colony. Meanwhile, Ben goes over to the dark side, Polly gets a haircut, Jamie has a fling and the Doctor has a problem with excess gas.
But did Jim and Martin give The Macra Terror 11 out of 10? Or did it just wash over their brains?
Find out here.
“I shouldn’t be down here at all, really. Driver, I am. See?”
Yes, perhaps it would be better if you were absent, Evans. You certainly drive everyone up the wall.
But the Welsh wimp is not the only peril in the London Underground in 1968’s The Web of Fear. The slimmer-line Yeti now sling more web than Spidey, Professor Travers is now an old duffer cum Yeti whisperer, Harold Chorley is the obsequious and unacceptable face of the gutter press and somewhere a filthy traitor is at work…
Luckily, Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart is at hand, with his ever-shrinking batallion, while Ann Travers proves adept at rebuffing both amorous advances and unwelcome interviews and, somehow, finds time to smile at a rampaging Yeti.
Meanwhile, the Doctor is delighted by one of his balls, Jamie hides in a bin and Victoria drops an unidentified lanyarded object.
So is the return of this once-lost story a cause for celebration or should it have been left in the cobwebs? Listen here to find out what Jim and Martin think.
“Isobel… where are yoooouuu?”
Come to that, where is Scooby Doo? Shouldn’t he be with those crazy kids in the Big Smoke’s syewers (sic) trying to take shots of scary Cyberm’n (one of them’s sick).
It’s all because of The Invasion, masterminded by perma-winking Tobias Vaughn and his woefully inept sidekick (and arse-kick), Packer.
The Doctor has an eye for a photo opportunity, courtesy of our snappy flapper, but Jamie proves not to be as photogenic as Zoe’s spangly bottom, despite his family-friendly weighted kilt. And the jury’s still out as to whether his dirk is more impressive than Jimmy Turner’s chopper.
Does Cyber-Plan B make any sense? Why hasn’t Vaughn killed Packer several times by now? And should we petition Philip Morris to recover the missing action sequences?
See if anything “has been agreeed” by Jim and Martin in this mammoth episode.
You’ll need the stamina of a Cyberm’n to listen to it all.
“Clever. Clever. Clever.”
Well, if the Cybermen are that bloomin’ clever, they’d target the more body-conscious members of The Moonbase crew with their veiny virus too.
Never mind, the silver giants have plenty more plans up their practice golfball-studded sleeves and this spells trouble for the internationally-branded Boyz N The Base.
But they reckon without Gollum Doctor, a lead-swinging Jamie, Polly the Barista, and Ben “Know-it-all” Jackson.
Will the Cybermen be able to cope with the gravity of the situation? Just what will fire extinguishers look like in 2070 AD? And is Dr Evans the most active dead man in history?
Find out (maybe) here!
“I have my own methods… I keep my my eyes open and my mouth shut.”
Sadly Jim and Martin don’t, and consequently bang on at some length here about 1967’s chilling Troughton tale, The Tomb of the Cybermen.
It’s a four-episode epic involving awful accents, anxious archaeologists and cute and convenient handbag-size hit-mice.
Gasp as Victoria falls asleep, Jamie falls into a trance and the Doctor nearly falls from grace as he plays impromptu puppet master – handy really as there’s a Toberman on strings and an under-stuffed, self-decapitating metal manikin to contend with.
Our doughty podcasters also find time to reveal the bowel-churning origin of the Cybermats, for whom a damn good flushing is too good.
But don’t worry – just sit back, tune in and let Jim and Martin eliminate fear from your brain…
Get it here!