“It was terrible… and then I got rescued by this bowl.”
No, not a symptom of BBC budget cuts – although its economically-priced, invisible owner may have been.
It’s the Planet of the Daleks – or, more accurately, the planet of the plants which either spy or spray, the molten ice which somehow isn’t just water and the locals who are definitely more than meets the eye.
Chuck into this great big ice-melting pot a poorly Time Lord, a lady with an embarrassing fungal infection, some flaxen-haired squabbling space-squaddies and the most evil wheelie bins in the ninth system, and you have all the makings of an epic six-parter.
But does it deliver like Santa or disappoint like… erm… Satan…?
Listen in to find out.
“Oh, how very embarrassing!”
That’s what the unsuspecting viewer probably said in 1973 when the so-called “large and savage reptile” hoved into view at the top of the Ogron quarry. If only there’d been enough budget to show more than its dangly bits…
But close your eyes for those couple of seconds and Frontier in Space will reward you with many riches. For where else can you find the third Doctor in hoisty judo slacks, Jo in platform baseball boots and Delgado’s Master in a Dracula-collared PVC number with Dalek logo?
And where else could you observe, in one story, twitchy Earth folk, noble Draconians, monumentally thick Ogrons and a stir crazy TARDIS team, who are in and out of prison more often than Mr Mackay?
But does Frontier in Space go where no Drashig has gone before? Or does it outstay its welcome like a Draconian at a UKIP rally?
Listen here to find out what Jim and Martin made of it all.
“Supreme Dalek… your sewers are revolting!”
B’dum tish! He’s here all week, laydeez ‘n’ gen’lemen… For the next ten weeks, in fact.
Yes, the Doctor’s back on our screens and straight into in a touching but mutually mendacious bromance with Ole One-Eye (or is that Three-Eyes now?)
Davros weeps, the Doctor shreds, Missy larks about and Clara has a communication breakdown, albeit in familiar surroundings. And Snake Face has a roller skate and segway race… with himself(s).
But what’s in the Doctor’s confession dial? Why does Missy want the Doctor to live? And just what is the elephant in the 12th century arena?
Jim and Martin bang on about it all right here…
“That would have created what I believe is called ‘consumer resistance’.”
True dat, Davros. Much as many people would like to get rid of the occasional relative, eating them rarely presents itself as a viable option.
A Marxist stand-up masquerading as a crap Dee-Jay is also likely to put off customers (even the comatose ones), while melting mutants, hybridised heads and flying Kaled fingers might even prompt punters to look elsewhere than Tranquil Repose for their funerary needs.
Yep, this is Revelation of the Daleks wherein Davros is nought but a head in a tank, Jobel is a spam-head under a rug, Orcini has a tin leg, Tasembeker thinks with her knuckles and good old Lilt communicates with his.
But do Jim and Martin find this story irresistible? Or would they prefer a steaming plateful of The Great Healer’s patented (but ‘orrible) ‘I can’t believe it’s not Quorn’ (TM)?
Find out here!
“This game of hide and seek through time is wearing a little thin now.”
We couldn’t have put it better ourselves, Chesterfield.
Yes, it’s the 1965 Dalek story The Chase we’re talking about. A tale of bagpipe creatures, a highly annoying hayseed, living vegetation (gasp!), under-utilised plungers and a space pilot with a panda fetish.
The Doctor encounters a robot look-unlike, Ian dad-dances, Babs plays cowboys and Indians and Vicki laughs like a loon.
The Daleks are no more impressive, hoisting their skirts and staggering through the six episodes in a quagmire of coughing, nonsensical chanting and painfully slow mental arithmetic.
Jim and Martin search for some meaning to it all but do they find it?
Listen here to find out.
“It’s rather a pity, in a way. Now the universe is down to six hundred and ninety nine wonders.”
The Doctor reacts badly to the news of Girls Aloud splitting up. Luckily, the Krynoid Podcast is here to take his mind off it.
After giving Cold War, Hide and Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS the once-over, Jim and Martin travel back in time to 1974 for Death to the Daleks – a tale of disarmed Daleks, operatic Exxilons and homicidal hoovers from the City of Dave.
They play ‘Spot the Terry Nation Trope’ while also wondering just how terrifying a patch of two-toned flooring can be.
With an empty Dalek ‘standing’ about and a blushing high priest channeling Spike Milligan, they ask ‘Who is the real goon?’
And they plead with Carey Blyton to stop using sax as a weapon.
So why not dive in? Come on, the water’s effervescent.
Get it here!