“What are you concealing from me, boy?”
Not enough, some might say, for this is Castrovalva – where Master Waterhouse introduces the innocent and unsuspecting viewer to “Little Matthew”.
But that’s not the only harrowing element of the Fifth Doctor’s first outing. The Time Lord himself is made incompetent (and incontinent?) by his regeneration but still gets to go on a self-propelling wheelchair and pulls off decent impressions of his former selves – and Basil Fawlty (the War Hotelier).
Tegan gets hot and bothered, Nyssa gets moist and, of course, Adric has a semi on, before they all meet
Chardonnay Shardovan and his sheep-in-wolf’s-clothing chums.
There’s a fly in the ointment, of course, and this one has a risible, raisable platform, a double-decker perspex top hat and a penchant for looking at boys on the dark web.
But does the new Doctor bowl Jim and Martin over? Or is he out first ball?
Find out here.
“It’s not exactly dull travelling with the Doctor.”
Not normally, Tegan. Not normally…
But this is the season 19 closer, Time-Flight, in which the Doctor seems to be under heavy sedation, OmNyssia knows all the answers, Tegan remains an air hostess (not that she ever hints at this) and Adric is still dead (mercifully).
The Master is at large too, coercing a plane-full of extras into caressing an inner sanctum, wherein lies a battery crammed full of blokes and an orang-utan’s family jewels. He also finds time to co-ordinate a platoon of turd men, all while nursing a projectile cold.
But which passenger is Victor Foxtrot? Why is Concorde’s progress monitored from a broom cupboard? And why on (prehistoric) Earth is the Master cosplaying as the last Widow Twankey in the job centre, even when he’s on his Jack Jones?
Listen in to hear Jim, Martin and special guest Ian Atkins pick through the wreckage.
“It’s the end… but the moment has been prepared for.”
The final words of the boggle-eyed mentalist octogenarian Tom Baker, just prior to being trampled by a crusty ballet dancer and so triggering his metamorphosis into the world’s wettest vet.
Jim and Martin start this episode by skewering The Time of the Doctor but then evaluate another regeneration story, 1981’s Logopolis.
The fourth Doctor is old and grumpy and the Master is new and campy, while Adric “wunts” to help, Tegan wants to fly and Nyssa just wants to have fun, despite losing her stepmother, father and planet in short order.
Can Noel Edmonds keep the fabric of the Universe together? Can the Doctor’s plan to literally flush out the Master be any more ludicrous? And can Anthony Ainley make any more of a meal of pressing a button?
Listen here to find out.