Episode 064: The Happiness Patrol

“It’s all in there somewhere. Caramel, sherbert, toffee, marzipan, gelling agents. Its all in motion.”

No, not a description of Jim and Martin’s stomachs on Christmas Night but rather the innards of the Kandy Man – part-time lethal confectioner and full-time Bertie Bassett stunt double.KP064 artwork 300

We’re on Terra Alpha – a dystopian colony ruled over by painted Thatchalike, Helen A, and her gun-toting hen party, The Happiness Patrol.

The over-athletic Doctor plays the spoons, the occasionally-catatonic Earl plays the harmonica and horrid old Helen A plays with her Fifi. That’s her hermaphrodite wolf-poodle. We don’t know what you were thinking…

The unrealistic streets teem with low-speed traffic and shambling work-shy drones while, underneath it all, pound-shop Yodas bark unintelligibly about Gordon Bennett.

And the TARDIS turns pink. As do Whovian cheeks any time the Kandy Man appears while Not-We are in the room.

So did Jim Y and Martin Z enjoy watching The Happiness Patrol? Or was the experience as hollow as Sylv and Sophie’s laughter?

Listen here to find out.

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